I sometimes, many times actually, think Tyler’s senses are broken. Being parents of two little ones, we try to pick our battles. While I’m not a fan of toys scattered on every floor of the house, we sometimes let it happen. We do have a dedicated play room, but there tends to be overflow into our main living room nearly daily.
“Tyler, can you pick your Batman up and put him in the other room”
“Where is it?”
“On the floor, right in front of you.”
“Well daddy, I can’t find it anywhere.”
“Tyler, it is literally RIGHT in front of your face. Look down.”
At which point, Tyler looks down, turns side to side, checks everywhere, then looks at me, lost. I then have to lean forward ,extend my arm, straighten my index finger until it is inches from the apparently invisible Batman and say again “Tyler, it is Right. There. in front of your face.
“Oh, there it is.”
Meanwhile, I could have picked the Batman up, ran around the house, written a three book novel series about vampires and woman porn in district 12, and planted a garden in the amount of time it took Tyler to see something that was inches from his eyeballs.
His hearing, against these horrible odds, appears to be worse than his eyesight.
I could place my mouth exactly one quarter of an inch from his ear, and say as clearly as humanly possible, “Tyler would you like five pounds of ice cream, every comic book ever made, and every toy you’ve ever dreamed of?” His response to me, every time would be “What?”
Today Sarah got wrapped up playing with Tyler and lost track of time. When I got home from work, she said as much and that there wasn’t enough time to make stir-fry, which she had originally planned.
“I don’t know what to do instead. Maybe spaghetti?”
I thought that sounded swell, as it’d been a while since we last had spaghetti. “That actually sounds pretty good. What do you think Tyler?”
He replied, without a moment’s hesitation, “Yeah, what you said.”
“What did I say, buddy?”
Again, he didn’t even pause, “What mommy said.”
“And what did mommy say?”
“I don’t remember.”
This is why I drink.