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I found myself at a point where I wanted to pull my hair out, kick a baby seal, and shoot my neighbor’s inflatable pool with a BB gun. I spent nearly two hours sitting on the bathroom floor asking, pleading, and demanding. I took increasingly deeper breaths and closed my eyes, desperately trying not to rage. Potty training was not going well. As a result, we took a break from it. This was four months ago.

Recently, Sarah and I have been having talks with Tyler about diapers, being a big boy, and where he needs to pee and poop. He’s been very agreeable. He knows he should pee in the potty and not in the diaper. He knows that he needs to tell mommy or daddy when he needs to use the potty. He knows that it will make daddy very, very happy if he would quit soiling his diapers.

“Tyler, where do we pee and poop?”

“In da potty.”

“Yes, and what happens when you need to go pee or poop?”

“Tell mommy daddy, I use a potty.”

“Gooooood job, buddy. Now, Tyler, there’s no pee in your diaper right now. Do you need to use the potty?”

“Hmmm. No fank you. Maybe ‘morrow.”

Listen, you little brat! I know that your diaper has been dry for three hours. I also know that you sucked down a cup of apple juice about an hour ago. Your bladder is roughly the size of a golf ball, at best. Why don’t you do us all a favor a sit your plump little butt on the potty, okay? See, one of my duties as your father is to challenge you. This is how you learn and grow and develop the cajones to try new, and sometimes scary, things. So, pretty please, with sugar on top, piss in the plastic bucket.

But I didn’t say that, did I? Nope. “Well, I think you do need to use the potty. We will sit on the potty in 3 minutes.”

Before starting up again with potty training, Sarah and I came up with a reward system. One sticker for every time we have success on the potty. After three stickers are rewarded, Tyler gets a prize (to be determined). Once the ball gets rolling, we’ll start giving prizes after six stickers, then ten stickers. Then, we start to faze out the rewards and hope the habit is formed.

At the last couple family outings, we used my backpack in lieu of a diaper bag. It’s worked out well, and Tyler has developed an interest in my backpack. At his request, I put the backpack on Tyler. He promptly lost his balance and fell backwards with the weight. I asked Tyler if he would like his very own, special “Tyler backpack,” and boy did he! That is how we decided on his first reward for getting three stickers.

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It’s working! We’re having success! As a matter of fact, he’s already gotten his second reward as well (a total of six stickers)… a pony ride at the zoo.

Progress wasn’t going so well at first. We’d sit Tyler on the potty (crying, most times) and tell him to push. We’d sit on the floor near him and wait, constantly prodding him to push more. It worked a couple times, but we usually ended up sitting there for an inordinate amount of time. Tyler would whine “I all done,” and we’d just give up for that session. It was during one of these “I all done” moments that Sarah grew impatient and walked out of the bathroom, telling Tyler, “You need to make your pee come out. Please tell me when you do.”

Less than three minutes later, in an adorable sing-song voice, Tyler said “I doin’ it.”

And he was.

I wondered if our constant prodding and encouragement was placing too much pressure on Tyler. The last few times we sat him on the potty, we told him to tell us when he was all done and walked out of the room. Much to our delight, this appears to be working. He’s even dropped a couple turd-bombs in there as well.

It’s been three days, and things are going great. He doesn’t tell us that he needs to use the potty yet. When we tell him it’s time to try, though, he sits down and pushes out the yellow delight right away. The next “prize”, which he will be receiving later today after having received four additional stickers, will be to watch a DVD and eat popcorn.

Everyone, keep your fingers crossed for us. For better or worse, we’re jumping on the potty wagon and can’t wait to cruise out of diaper-town… just so we can cruise back in this coming February.

And, to those of you that have been to our house (and who watched the video), did you see that they paved our access road??!?!?! FINALLY!!! So cool.

Thank you…

You’ve already seen a glimpse of the third day of our camping trip on the last Wordless Wednesday post. Two very substantial things took place on this day, which I’d like to share with you now.

Early in the afternoon, while Tyler was napping, I took Delilah for a walk. She seemed pent up, so I wanted to take her to a secluded area where she could run free and burn up some energy. We had a great time walking running through the woods, and through the marsh (which I found purely by accident). I could have taken Delilah back to camp covered in mud. I actually wanted to, so I could show off the fun we had. The problem was that Delilah crashed into me while running around. This was while I was snapping off some landscape pictures. She knocked my foot off of the fallen tree that I had presently been perched upon. When said foot contacted the earth, it promptly sank eight inches into warm black mud. This, my dear friends, was unacceptable. Next stop, the lake.

I share a trait with Delilah in that neither of us can swim. I promise to write about my reasons later. Delilah just thrashes around. This day, our third day of camping, Delilah “got it” and simply started swimming.

Later, my step-dad (Ganpa) and I had just finished a little fishing and were walking up a hill when he brought my attention to a snake slithering by. Minutes later, Ganpa was (nervously) driving us back to camp while I tightly gripped a thirty-six inch snake in my hands. I looked down to see blood on my hands. Resisting the urge to drop the snake, and likely cause Ganpa to send the truck careening into the lake, I carefully inspected my hands as the snake redoubled its efforts at escaping my grasp. I began to suspect that the snake was poisonous and had injected me with an anesthetic-like venom, because I didn’t feel any pain. Just as I processed that thought, the snake performed a barrel roll in my hands and I spotted a wound on its tail. It appears to have happened recently, but I know I didn’t do it, so I just made a mental note to scrub my hands later.

We arrived at camp seconds later, and I beckoned Tyler to me. Ganpa was able to get some video before his batteries died and caught me being an evil daddy by scaring Tyler with the snake.

In case you don’t have 2 minutes to spare to watch the video – really, you should watch the video – you can forward to the one minute mark to watch me scare Tyler with it.

Tyler helped me release the snake a few moments later.

Tyler then decided to make like his daddy and set off chasing the snake. AND CAUGHT IT!

He held it up by it’s tail and said, “Lonnnng.”

Then, he held it with both hands and STRETCHED it. I was preoccupied with laughing and taking pictures, so my mom (Gamma) had to tell Tyler it wasn’t nice to stretch a snake.

For reasons unknown to all of us, Tyler then put the snake up to his neck like it was choking him.

Afterward, Tyler set the snake free and we all went back to camp. The fearlessness of my son amazes me and warms my heart.

You see that picture up there? Didja look at his hand? Yeah, keep reading.

There are a number of blogs that I “follow,” or, subscribe to. Most mornings, I visit an online application called Google Reader. It works similar to an email program. When I open it up, it lists all the blogs that I subscribe to, along with the number of unread or updated posts since my last visit. Recently, needled in the nest of thirty or so unread posts was a new post by one of my favorite bloggers. In it, Natui (an anagram of her blog name of Not Afraid To Use It) touches on vaccines. It served as a gentle reminder that we will be starting Tyler’s vaccinations when he turns two.

JUST FOUR MONTHS FROM NOW!

How in the heck has it already been almost two years?! We wake up, we go through our daily routines, we go to sleep. And then, one day, something happens that causes time to smack you in the back of your head. Natui’s vaccine post was the catalyst that caused me to stop and really take stock of how much has taken place and how far we’ve come as a family. I know it’s cliche to say, but time really does fly.

Tyler is learning at a pace that truly astounds me. A couple days ago, at dinner, Sarah couldn’t finish her “take the edge off” drink, so she poured what was left into my glass – effectively turning my “take the edge off” drink into a “Joe’s about to get a slight buzz” drink.

After a moment of processing, Tyler pointed at the glass and said, “Dump.”

We confirmed that, yes, mommy just dumped her drink into daddy’s glass, and followed by explaining “empty” and “full” to Tyler. He grasped it with the two glasses, pointing back and forth while saying “eppy,” and “full”, but struggled a bit when we involved our dinner plates.

But you don’t care about that, right? You want to know about a couple fingers, doncha?

A few weeks ago, I was struck with amazement (and guilt, if I’m being completely honest) at Tyler’s ability to learn. We were reading a book, and the particular page being read had some flowers in the background.

“Onnnnnne, doooooo, freeee,” Tyler said as he pointed to each of the three flowers.

Outwardly: “Yes, Tyler, there are three flowers.” Pointing to each one, I confirmed his count. ” One, two, three.

Inwardly: When the *blaap* did he learn this?!

Although I was proud and amazed at this surprising development, I felt quite a bit of guilt over the matter. See, not only did I not know Tyler could count to three, but I also had absolutely nothing to do with teaching him how to do so. It never even crossed my mind! How can I sit here and hold the belief that I’m a great good dad, and yet have no knowledge of my son’s ability to count to three?! I know, I know. Sarah’s home with Tyler all day, teaching him, playing with him, being a great mom. I get that, but this was just one of those moments that smacked me right in the face.

But wait, it gets better. Tyler could actually count to ten. TEN! Sure, he sometimes skips the numbers 7 and 8, but still, ten. By the way, did you get it yet? Missing digits? Digits… fingers? The Case of the Missing Fingers. Har har har. Well, it’s not as funny when I have to explain it to you folks. Yes, the picture above is a fake. I spent about five minutes to get the pose, and about twenty in Photoshop Elements to get the effect.

Take a couple minutes out of your busy day and watch an adorable video of Tyler counting to ten, sans seven and eight, of course.

Oh, and guess what else? I learned, later that day, that Tyler can actually count to thirteen.

Having some fun in Tyler’s Safari Tent:

Tyler sings a couple songs to me:

Tyler tries to say Flippy Floppies! I love this one! He’s on a boat and…

Tyler’s happy face and surprised face (previously posted):

So, if you’re the sort that doesn’t mind watching videos of other people’s kids, feast your eyes on these gems. I’m going to link to the videos that I’ve posted to YouTube and I’m going to embed the couple of them that I have classified as “must see videos”.

First, the ones you must check out:

Tyler is a big fan of watching football. This is the only thing he’s allowed to watch on TV.

Tyler has recently started using “yeah” and “no” to answer questions. The way he says “no” is adorable, so we exploit it here.

The rest of the videos:

2009-07-19 – Tyler helps feed Delilah: We have Tyler grab Delilah’s dish every morning and evening so he can help feed her.

2009-09-15 – Tyler rides his horse: Tyler’s riding on his annoying rocking horse. He falls off it. He demonstrates his smarts…. you know, Tyler stuff.

2009-09-15 – Tyler shows a touchdown (embedded above): It’s football season, and Tyler loves to watch the games. Here, he shows you the touchdown signal and says “Dowwwwww”. Plus, he shows his shoes.

2009-09-15 – Tyler talks and other stuff: Tyler tells you what sounds certain animals make. He plays with his toy dog. He plays with Delilah’s toys. Etc.

2009-09-24 – Tyler wants more: When Tyler wants more food, he’s not afraid to tell you, and you BETTER HURRY and get him the food he wants.

2009-09-24 – Tyler’s Melmo, Ah-ah, and Ouch: Tyler talks about his two favorite toys and shows his ouch.

2009-09-29 – Tyler says No and brushes his teeth (embedded above): Tyler’s brushing his teeth and saying “no” in the cutest way possible. This is also the first time he ever said “Maybe”.

To see all my YouTube videos, head on over here: http://videos.irrationaldad.com

And to finish it all off… here’s a video I shot of Tyler just yesterday:

We got there just a few minutes early. The receptionist had to keep her distance because she was pregnant and the smell of coffee makes her puke. To reward ourselves for getting up and around so early, Sarah and I treated ourselves to some Starbucks (read: insanely overpriced normal coffee with a million calories). With the coffee cups sitting on the counter, the receptionist took off like she owed us money. Very shortly after, we were called into the pre-op area. I wish I had brought my camera, because Tyler looked freakin’ adorable in his hospital gown. Without an ounce of shyness (or respect for other people’s space) Tyler crawled into the room next to ours – where there was another couple with a baby waiting for the same procedure – and started playing with toys that were not his.

We met the anesthesiologist (my WPM dropped to around 2 while trying to type that word), who explained to us that they would be putting a mask on Tyler so that he would breathe in some type of gas mixture. He would quickly fall asleep and would not need any IVs. A very nice nurse came to take Tyler away at 7:30. We went back to the waiting room and tried to pass the time by reading a book (Sarah) and getting caught up on work emails (me). Sarah read two pages and I sent 3 emails when the doctor came out to tell us that they were done and that Tyler was in recovery, in the process of waking up.

”Done? Already?”

”Yes,” the doctor said. He continued to tell us that his left ear looked good and that his right ear had a lot of “goop” in it. They cleaned both ears out before putting the tubes in. He also told us that Tyler took to the anesthesia very well. I can’t say I fully understand what that means or why he told us, but I couldn’t help but to be proud. Tyler, if you ever read this, good job on your gas induced loss of consciousness; we couldn’t be prouder of the fact that the gas did exactly what it was supposed to do to you. In the doctor’s defense, he did clarify a bit by saying that he was just looking around (i.e. not being a hell-spawn child who thrashes around and fights off the gas mask) and then closed his eyes when they put the mask over his mouth.

A few minutes later, we were called back to see Tyler in the recovery room. Sarah didn’t even have to ask which room it was because she could hear his cries. It took me a couple extra seconds to single his cry out from the other – very few – noises in the hall. Sarah cuddled him up and breastfed him. Poor Tyler had little muscle control and couldn’t lift his head up. I’ve read online that babies tend to be fussy and grumpy after coming out of anesthesia, and Tyler was no exception. I suspect that it has less to do with pain and confusion, and more to do with being really upset that his brain couldn’t make his muscles operate correctly. The little guy’s head just kept flopping backwards and Sarah had to use her hands to pick it back up.

By 8:15, we were on our way home. Tyler stopped crying as soon as the car started moving. He cried for just a bit longer when we got home. I had to get into the office to start work (I decided to work from home this day). Sarah fed Tyler breakfast and very shortly thereafter he was in a fantastic mood. He was a little wobbly on his feet for a bit, but quickly got that under control. Here’s a video of him later that afternoon.

Everything I read says that it’ll be "like having a brand new baby" and, while I can’t completely agree with that statement, there certainly is a level of truth to it. Today, Tyler is walking exponentially better than he was just yesterday. He’s walking in circles, room to room, and even trying to make an attempt at running. He has been in a great mood as well. He’s generally a very happy baby, so it’s hard for me to gauge if there’s a difference.