The life and times of an irrational father. One man, multiple personalities.
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What are we going to do when these two are old enough to date? Or, when they THINK they’re old enough to date?

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I swear, I didn’t put him up to this

December 9th, 2011 | Posted by Joe in trouble | Tyler - (3 Comments)

Monster faces

I sat down on the couch. It had been a long day at work, and I wanted nothing more than to relax for a bit and enjoy some silence. I have two kids that appear to love me very much, so “relax” and “silence” is virtually unknown in this house. I’m sure that my wife is having trouble reading these very words during her extremely exaggerated eye-roll as she silently shouts “YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!! Try being home all day, EVERY day with these lovable monsters!”

So, it was absolutely no surprise that Tyler was running laps through the rooms while shouting “Hi daddy… bye daddy.” Sarah came to sit on the couch with me “Hi daddy… bye daddy.” to snuggle and make a little small talk. Audrey was in her room “Hi daddy… bye daddy.” taking a nap. I have no idea how she can sleep “Hi daddy… bye daddy.” through all the noise that her big brother makes during “Hi daddy… bye daddy.” every waking moment of the day.

There we were, enjoying one another’s company while my 9 month old daughter slept, and my three year old son charged through the house like a spider monkey hopped up on speed. I asked Sarah how her day had been, and was listening to her recap a day of fun, drama, crying, laughter and every other emotion that my strong-willed (to put it lightly) family can express. Mid-sentence, Tyler ran up to us and dropped a bomb. A bomb that I swear I’ve never even hinted at before.

“Mommy? Why aren’t you doing your job?”

“What job?” Sarah inquired, genuinely intrigued on where Tyler was heading.

“Cleaning the kitchen.”

I’m not the world’s smartest man, and I’ll never pretend to be, but I KNEW that my safest course of action would be to keep my word-hole shut and simply stare at the floor. So, imagine my surprise at myself when I burst out in laughter.

Not my smartest move.

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Very Punny, Tyler… very punny

May 12th, 2011 | Posted by Joe in conversations | Tyler - (7 Comments)

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The scene: We have somebody coming to look at our house soon. The realtor told us that the person really liked our garage. In preparation of the showing, I want to go to the garage and spend some time cleaning it up and really show how much room there is in there. Tyler and I have gotten dressed and are getting ready to come down the stairs. At the last moment, I realize that we forgot to grab socks.

“Wait, Tyler. We need to get some socks first.”

“Okay daddy.”

We walk back into Tyler’s room. I grab a pair of socks for him and then go to my room to get a pair of socks for myself. As we start to go down the stairs, I ask Tyler if he can carry his socks.

“Uhm, sure. Then we put them on, and we go outside and play play play.”

We continued down the stairs. Unbeknownst to me, Tyler was busy pondering something. I turned to look at him and saw that he had a bit of a smirk on his face. I wondered whether I should ask what he was thinking about or let him finish his thought process. As I watched, he raised his socks above his head and started to swing them at me.

“Daddy, I’m gonna sock you with my socks!”

And then he did.

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