The life and times of an irrational father. One man, multiple personalities.
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I don’t think they serve that flavor

October 15th, 2010 | Posted by Joe in Halloween | photos | Tyler - (7 Comments)

This is the conclusion of our trip to a Pumpkin Fantasyland. If you haven’t already read parts one and two, I’d kindly suggest you click this link first, this link second, then come back and read this entry. It’s not exactly required reading to understand this entry, but I rather like it when people read my posts.

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In the car, I asked Tyler was kind of ice cream he wanted. I gave him the option of vanilla, chocolate, or chocolate and vanilla mixed.

“Umm, I just have nilla.”

“Do you want sprinkles on it?”

“Ohhh sure,” he replied.

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During the drive, Tyler and I rehearsed what he would tell the person at Dairy Queen. He tends to be on the shy side lately, and we’ve been trying to get him to open up a bit and talk to people.

“Tyler, you have to tell them you want a kiddie cone, vanilla.”

Each time I quizzed him, he answered correctly.

Twenty minutes later, we pulled into the parking lot of Dairy Queen. He held my hand as we walked into the building.

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“Hi. How can I help you?”

“Hi. Can I have a small M&M Blizzard?”, I asked. “Tyler, tell this guy what you would like.”

Tyler ran up to the counter, looked at the guy running register, and spoke.

“I have nilla kitty cat cone.”

Through my laughter, I translated to the guy at the counter.

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Pumpkin Fantasyland 2

October 14th, 2010 | Posted by Joe in Halloween | photos | Tyler - (7 Comments)

This is a continuation of our trip to a Pumpkin Fantasyland. If you haven’t already read part one, I’d kindly suggest you click this link first, then come back and read this entry.

“I watch it again.”

“No, Tyler. The helicopter is gone now. Let’s go look at another firetruck.”

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As we played and admired the bright red firetruck, we saw another pull around to where the helicopter had previously been resting. Firemen pulled some heavy tools from the truck and staged them on the ground. Nearby, rested a heavily damaged car. I remembered reading that there would be a “jaws of life” demonstration. I told Tyler to run to where we were earlier so we could watch. For the second time in less than thirty minutes, I watched as Tyler sat, slack-jawed in awe of the goings-on.

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At the conclusion of the demonstration, I asked Tyler if he wanted to go into a hay maze.

“What a maze is?” he asked, looking into my eyes.

“Well,” I said, thinking, “a maze is like a game. We go inside and have to try and find our way back out.”

“Ohh. I do it wif you?”

On the way to the maze, we stopped to play in a police car for a bit. Tyler was very excited and even asked the policeman sitting in the driver’s seat if it was his car.

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Then, we made our way to the maze.

I was utterly amazed (heh) at the amount of fun Tyler had in there. Every time we ran into a dead end, Tyler would stop and say “uh-oh… dead end,” before turning and running past me in the other direction. Each time he reached the exit, Tyler would keep running, to do the maze over and over again. Soon, he decided it’d be fun to run directly into boys two to three times his own size and shout “SMASH” while doing so. The boys he crashed into looked at him, confused, as I roared in laughter. Tyler would then just bounce off them and keep running.

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“The exit is that way,” a boy, who had just ran up to Tyler, said. He pointed to the left.

“No. It dis way,” Tyler said, pointing in the opposite direction. They were both right, but I didn’t say anything. I just watched.

“My name is Joseph Edward Wiggons (changed, to protect the innocent). I’m three years old.”

“I Tyler James Gearhart. I two.” When Tyler says his own name, it sounds more like Tywer Dame Gearhowt. He held up two fingers.

They both smiled at each other and ran in opposing directions.

When he finally tired of running nonstop through the same maze over and over again, we walked out and sat in the shade for a bit. We both drank some water, and Tyler had a snack, while we waited for the tractor to come back. Tyler desperately wanted to go for a hay ride, and I desperately wanted a break from running in the heat, so it worked out.

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The tractor seemed to have been gone for an inordinate amount of time, and I began to wonder if the hayrides were through for the day. I asked Tyler, “Where do you think the tractor is, buddy?”

He held up his hand, like a policeman halting traffic and said, “Be patient, daddy. It comin.”

The tractor did, indeed, come back around. The breeze felt nice, and my feet sighed their relief at this chance for rest. To be brutally honest, the hayride was rather boring, but Tyler enjoyed it. At the end of the hayride, I asked Tyler if he’d like to go get some ice cream. He, of course, answered in the affirmative, so we made our way back to the car. Next to a nearby barn, a cat was resting in the shade.

“Hi cat,” Tyler said. “How you doing today? We going a get ice cream.”

To be concluded…

Pumpkin Fantasyland 1

October 11th, 2010 | Posted by Joe in Halloween | photos | Tyler - (7 Comments)

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On Saturday, Tyler and I went to a “pumpkin fantasyland” nearby. It was at a farm roughly an hour from our house. I told Tyler that he should close his eyes and take a nap while we drove there. Surprisingly, he obliged. Tyler almost immediately fell asleep, while I navigated down rural country roads, guided by the GPS built into my phone. I didn’t think he’d fall asleep, because just a few moments earlier, when I asked “who wants to go to the pumpkin patch?”, Tyler enthusiastically yelled “MEEEEEEEE. I DO!!”

Tyler’s eyes fluttered open just as I pulled into a parking space on the lawn of the farm property. I glanced in the mirror to see a line of drool trailing down his face. On his shirt was a silver dollar-sized wet spot.

“We’re here?” he asked.

“Yes buddy. We’re here. Are you ready?”

“We at the pumpkin patch!” he exclaimed.

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In addition to the typical attractions one would expect to see at a pumpkin fantasyland, the police and fire departments were also on hand. The emergency personnel would only be there for a few more hours, so we headed to the far end of the farm first, where they were located. The tractor rides and corn mazes would be open until much later, so there was no rush to see all that first. Tyler spotted a fire truck and broke into a run. The doors were all open, and children were crawling all over it, inside and out. Tyler stopped at the door and turned to me.

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“I go in it?”

The fact that he has the respect/courtesy/manners to ask such a question, especially when he is dripping with excitement, made my heart swell.

“Sure. Climb up and be careful, okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed.

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After playing inside for a few minutes, I heard an unfamiliar noise. Tyler was busy pressing buttons and playing with helmets while I tried to identify the noise. In a moment, I heard a mother tell her son, “Come on, the helicopter’s starting!” I told Tyler to hurry so we could watch too. We ran to the back of the firetruck, jumped out, and ran towards the crowd. As we ran, I told Tyler that a helicopter was going to fly away and that it would be very loud.

“I watch it,” he shouted back, still running.

We sat down in the lawn as the rotors spun ever faster. Shortly, lift was acheived, and we watched (one of us in complete awe) as the heli flew off into the distance.

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To be continued…

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Remember last Halloween? We went to a pumpkin patch, went for a hayride, picked pumpkins, and Tyler gutted and carved his very first pumpkin? Well, it was actually his second Halloween and pumpkin, but the first he’s had an active role in. And afterward, he smashed the pumpkins.

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Well, right after we gutted the pumpkins, we all picked out a handful of seeds, cleaned them, dried them, and placed them in a baggie over the winter. Winter’s over and it’s time to plant those seeds now.

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First, we made a hill for the seeds, or “baby pumpkins” as we were calling them. Then, we poked a hole in the top of the hill. Three seeds went into the hole. Once the plants sprout, we’ll thin them; meaning, we’ll pull the two weakest plants, and let the strongest grow in that hill. We made a total of three hills.

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Once the seeds were placed into their new home, we filled the hole with dirt and patted it down. The hole was only about the size of a quarter and a couple inches deep.

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After finishing this on the first hill, it was time to build the second hill. Spacing is important in gardening, especially when dealing with a plant that grows as aggressively as pumpkins tend to. We chose the spot for the next hill and started gathering dirt. We poked a hole, put three seeds in, filled the hole and patted it down again. Then, we did the same for the third and final planting location.

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Sarah bought Tyler his very own watering can so that he can help with gardening this year. With all the seeds being nestled snugly in their beds, it was time to put use to the watering can. We filled Tyler’s watering can, and the larger one that Sarah and I use. As Tyler emptied his watering can, I filled it again and again from the larger one. The little stinker lost half his load to spillage just walking from the hose to the pumpkin patch.

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To keep the plants moist, we need to put mulch down. This will help retain heat and moisture; keys to life in the plant world. Tyler and I retrieved our wheelbarrows. Both wheelbarrows are very old. Mine was handed down from my father-in-law, whom it was handed down to from his grandfather. Tyler’s used to belong to his mommy. Sarah’s dad brought it down last year, in very rough shape, to pass onto Tyler. After some sanding, painting, clear coating, and new hardware, it was as good as new. We got to work shoveling mulch into the wheelbarrows. Tyler picked up very quickly and had no qualms about the manual labor.

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Tyler was pretty pooped after all the hard farming. Sarah took him in the house for a nap. Sarah wasn’t feeling that great as it was, so she took a nap as well. While they slept, I put up some chicken wire around the patch, and made a very special sign.

Ladies and gentlemen, I would like you to see Tyler’s very own pumpkin patch. He is very excited about it, and smiles every time we talk about his pumpkins. We haven’t had a chance to water the seeds because it’s been raining the last two days, and we just planted them three days ago. With any luck, we’ll be posting pictures around September or October of Tyler’s very own, homegrown, pumpkins.

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I told Sarah that this was a “Daddy and Tyler project,” because I think it’s important that Tyler has specific “daddy time” and specific “mommy time” along with the family time that we spend together. I feel tinges of guilt about it because, on a level, I feel like I’m excluding Sarah. That’s not the case at all, and to be honest, I’d never be able to do anything like this were it not for her. Aside from the advice she’s given and some of the stuff I picked up from her gardening last year, I wouldn’t have ANY of the above pictures if she wasn’t there to take them for me. For that, I’m very grateful to have had her help.

Smashing Pumpkins

November 16th, 2009 | Posted by Joe in Halloween | photos | therapy | Tyler - (10 Comments)

What do you do when you have three pumpkins that are beginning to show signs of rot? It depends on the person, or family. Some people will just throw the pumpkins into their trash bin, to be picked up on your designated “trash day” and hauled off to finish rotting in a landfill. Others, like us, will go the “green” route and add them to their compost pile. I don’t know much about composting, as this is our first year of doing so, but I’m pretty sure that you can’t just chuck large pumpkin shells into the pile and expect them to rot compost efficiently. My solution, give your child a hammer, and let them go nuts!

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First, he attacks the Elmo pumpkin. Then, he makes sure Sarah’s “Bertha” pumpkin had no brains before smashing.
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First, you wind back…
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then SMASH!
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When smashing wasn’t working, he also tried pulling and clawing.
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He’s possessed by the Ghost of Pumpkin Smashing!
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What a great afternoon. I didn’t take pictures of loading the pieces into the wheelbarrow and taking them to the compost pile because then I would have gotten pumpkin slime on my camera, and that just cannot happen.