Tyler and his M-O-M-M-Y (View More Photos)

I’ve mentioned previously that I enjoy reading children’s stories. This fondness does not carry over to children’s music though. I’d much rather listen to The Doors talk to me about strange people, The Rolling Stones singing about painting things black, or Regina Spektor eating tangerines. I don’t particularly care about the Farmer in the Dell, what the Wheels on the Bus do, or what a twinkling little star is. Turns out, and this is news to me, that even though I don’t like children’s music, I still have to listen to it.

99% of the music I listen to is either through my iPod, or through my computer. I don’t listen to the radio, or to CD’s. As a result, I’ve had to – very reluctantly – clear some space on my iPod for a “Tyler” playlist. I currently have 139 songs in there. Whenever we go out in the car, I can fire up the TP (Tyler Playlist) and listen to countless songs about farms, monkeys, apples, or the letter “g”.

For the most part, I am perfectly fine with having a TP on my iPod. I’ve resolved myself to the fact that it needs to be there. But, there are some unwanted embarrassing situations created with having a TP on my iPod. Take, for example, the day I was in my garage. I was cleaning out one of our cars and had the iPod blaring through the stereo that I keep in the garage. I’m pretty sure I had the volume dial set to 11. I walked out of the garage towards our trash can. The neighbors were outside doing some gardening, but both of them were looking at me with a very strange expression on their faces. I waved politely, but found myself thinking, “What the heck are you looking at?”. It was a good 10 or 15 seconds later that I realized that “Apples and Bananas” was testing the decibel limit of the cheap 5 inch speakers. It was loud, and you could clearly hear the words.

I like to ote, ote, ote
Opples and banonos
I like to ote, ote, ote
Opples and banonos

I like to ute, ute, ute
Upples and banunus
I like to ute, ute, ute
Upples and banunus

If you’re a parent, I’m sure you know the song. When you are a man… alone… in your garage, there’s no way to explain yourself out of that situation. Instead, I scurried back into the garage, lowered the volume to barely a whisper and clicked “Next”.

Or how about the time that I was working on a hospital bed at one of my accounts? At the time, I thought I was alone in the room. I found myself humming Dinosaur Round. Then, completely without realizing that I’m doing it, I start SINGING it.

How can I feed this dinosaur,
Who eats my lunch and asks for more?
More …. More …. More …. More
Never own a dinosaur

Imagine my mortified shock and surprise when I stand up and see two nurses standing side-by-side in the doorway. One was slack jawed, the other was biting down, hard, on her lips. I would rather have been caught with my pants down and an apple pie in my hands. My frozen horror was broken just long enough for me to say, “Oh God”.

Nurse 1: “Wow.” *walks away*
Nurse 2: “Don’t stop for us. Keep going.” *begins laughing loudly*

I had a flash of thought and almost told the nurse that was still standing there that I was singing the intro to a new song by Linkin Park and that it was about to get very dark and graphic. But I knew that my previous “Oh God” would render me incapable of being able to really sell it. Instead, I said what comes naturally to me, “I’m such an idiot.”

Or – because, why shouldn’t we have 3 examples? – I could tell you about the the time I told a nurse at another hospital that I was finished and they could start using their stretcher again.

“You must be a dad.”, she said.

I inhaled through my nose, wondering if I smelled like spit-up breastmilk. I couldn’t smell anything, but I’m pretty sure that my sense of smell has been conditioned to that scent. Tyler’s sleeping when I leave for work in the mornings, so there’s a really short list of things for me to contemplate.

“Yeah, how couldya tell?”, I inquired.

“I’m pretty sure I heard you whistling ‘Snuggle Puppy‘ a few minutes ago.”

I couldn’t remember whistling that song, but those melodies are so simple that they burrow deep into your head. I’ve woken up on plenty-o morning with one of those songs already playing in my head.

Self-deprecatingly, I said, “I’m sure I was.”

I’ve found a few songs that I really enjoy, which is a testament to my simple mindedness. Every children’s album should be required to have one song, at a minimum, that appeals to adults. That will give me something to look forward to as I’m singing-along to Tyler about Five Little Ducks going out one day, over the hills and far away, and mother duck saying “Quack quack quack quack”, and only 4 little ducks coming back.

One of those rare songs that I find myself enjoying is “The Coffee Song” by Ralph’s World.

M O … M M Y needs C O … F F E E
D A … D D Y needs C O … F F E E
M O … M M Y needs C O … F F E E
D A … D D Y needs C O … F F E E

I love my kid
I love my kid
Gosh … I love my kid
But I need
What I need
And I need a lot of what I need and that’s
C-O-F-F-E-E

M O … M M Y needs C O … F F E E
D A … D D Y needs C O … F F E E

I need a latte
A cappucino
And tonight I think I’ll have a little vino

M O … M M Y needs C O … F F E E
D A … D D Y needs C O … F F E E
M O … M M Y needs C O … F F E E
D A … D D Y needs C O … F F E E

It’s simple, to the point, and oh so true.