The life and times of an irrational father. One man, multiple personalities.
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Happy Blogiversary

June 25th, 2009 | Posted by Joe in blogging - (6 Comments)


Today marks one year that I’ve been blogging. I started this blog while sitting on the couch, covered in poison ivy. I was a miserable, itching mess, but anxious with anticipation of labor starting for my six days overdue wife. I spent hours itching and coding, desperate to get all the shades of blue correct for my forthcoming adventures in blogging.

My first blog just talked about my itchiness and my desire to see what Sarah has been cooking for the last 40 weeks.

From my first post:

One year ago, I didn’t care at all whether I had kids or not. If I had kids, fine. If I didn’t have kids, fine. I think, in my entire life (30 years), I’ve only held a baby 3 times. That’s no joke… ask anyone who knows. And I’ve NEVER changed a diaper. I don’t really know how to talk or act when I’m with/near babies/children. They made me uncomfortable. I was scared that I would traumatize them or, worse, break them.

It shocks me to think back just one year, or even two (to get a real grasp on how I was regarding babies). I simply cannot imagine life without Tyler. It’s completely unfathomable to me. That little man inspires me every single day. To see Sarah love someone so completely, so unconditionally, is beautiful (I try to keep my jealousy at bay). Every single day, one of us is bound to ask the other, “How did we get such a beautiful baby?” I am almost offended at myself for thinking that I didn’t want to have a baby, but I’m sure that most of us have gone through that phase at some point of our lives. Truth be told, I’m glad (I know this is a bit contradictory to what I just said) that I felt that way previously, because I wouldn’t have wanted to have a baby with any of the women in my previous relationships. It took a perfect series of events and timing to bring precious little Tyler into my life (and the lives of all who love him). For all this, I am eternally grateful.

But we’re talking about my blog-birthday here, not Tyler. Why does he need to be the center of attention all. the. time?

I need to apologize to all the readers that take a few extra minutes to leave a comment on my blog. I truly appreciate the time you take to do so. Unfortunately, I had a misspelled piece of code on my commenting script. As a result, email addresses were never passed along. They were deleted as soon as you clicked “Submit”. So, if you clicked the little checkbox that says “Hey, email me if someone else leaves a comment, so that I can keep up with the discussion” (ok, it doesn’t say that, but that’s what it means), you never received those emails. Also, I understand that not everyone wants to always see every single comment show up in their email box and, therefore, they don’t subscribe to the comments. So, if I were to reply to the comments (which I have done sometimes), they wouldn’t know. Instead, I would send an email to each commenter, replying to what they said. I did this for two reasons. One, you took the time to say something, or ask something. The least I can do is write back with an answer or something witty. Two, it keeps discussion alive. It helps me learn more about you and vicey versey.

But, like I said, I misspelled a word, and that was never possible. Every reply I sent bounced back to me as undeliverable. I assumed that you didn’t leave your email address – I have it as being an optional field – and didn’t want me to reply. I feel like a putz, and I’m sorry. I found the offending code and fixed it. So, please, continue leaving comments. If you want to receive an email when someone else leaves a comment, check the box to do so. Otherwise, don’t check it and I’ll just email you personally to say “What’s up?” or something along those lines.

Thanks for reading, everyone.

Note: The photo above is Delilah having a blast running around the yard. She was running directly at me while I had the camera out. I’m still learning the auto focus settings (especially when you have a monster running directly towards you), so there’s a bit of a blur.

Extra Note: I know I’ve been slacking on the NonDad blog (i.e. one post). It’s mostly because when I do find time to blog, I’ve always got something I want to say about Tyler. Keep an eye out for a three part series of posts over the course of the next 6 days. They will give you a little insight into a bit of my past.

Upgrades

June 12th, 2009 | Posted by Joe in blogging - (2 Comments)

Since there is no need to reinvent the wheel, I selected WordPress as the engine that runs this site. I’ve custom built blogging and forum platforms before. But let’s be honest here folks, I’m just one man and it’s hard to deny the power behind numbers. The people behind WordPress have really built something special. When I set this site up, I quickly discovered areas that needed improving. As such, I re-wrote the code behind the search functionality, spam control and filtering, and some of the ‘engine’ controls.

WordPress has recently released an upgraded version of their blogging platform. I’ve had an internal struggle over the last couple days, trying to decide whether to install it or not. I finally decided against it, as I didn’t want to inspect each file for my core edits and transfer them over to the new version.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading since that decision. Turns out that the new version contains an amount of streamlining that can’t be ignored. The engine, simply, is faster and more efficient.

So, I’ve gone through all the core files, extracted my customizations and will shortly be upgrading the platform. If the site goes nutzo for a bit, be patient. The upgrade should go smoothly, but it’s going to take a few hours for me to create new files with my edits. I’ve already done so on a test platform, with no issues, but who knows what’s going to happen when I do it here. Murphy’s Law, eh?

Bear with me folks… This should all be done and normal before the end of the night.

If you’re reading this as a note on Facebook, please disregard.

Thanks all… I sincerely appreciate the fact that I have so many people that read this blog and follow my life as a (sometimes) irrational father.

UPDATE: Looks like we’re all set. WP2.8 is installed and all my custom code has been stored elsewhere. Let me know if you notice any problems.

Tyler’s love of the B.S.

May 12th, 2009 | Posted by Joe in adventures in babydom | blogging | laughing | sick Tyler | teething | Tyler - (2 Comments)


I’m not entirely sure why I haven’t blogged lately. I can’t exactly say it’s been a lack of inspiration because Tyler is doing new, funny things just about every day. Is there such a thing as blogger’s block? Like writer’s block, but I am far from a writer. With the nicer weather, we (the family) have all been outside a lot more, which lessens the time I spend on the computer. Officially, and publicly, I’m saying it’s a lack of time. Privately, I just feel like I don’t have the "words" for what I want to say.

Tyler’s got a bunch of green goo coming out of his nose. He isn’t acting sick, at all, so we’re operating under the assumption that he’s teething. Since babies are essentially in a perpetual state of teething for the first few years of their lives, I could be both right and wrong in our diagnosis. Unfortunately, Tyler HATES getting his face washed. More than that, hate is a severe understatement of how he feels about getting his nose wiped off. He screams until there isn’t an iota of oxygen left in his tiny lungs. I sometimes wonder if he’ll forget to breathe. It’s around that time that he sucks air in, and repeats his lung-draining yells for Child Protective Services to come and save him from the evil, nose-cleansing washrag of doom.


At the opposite end of the spectrum, Tyler LOVES the blue bulb that I call the "booger sucker". It resembles a turkey baster in both appearance and function. The two primary differences are that the booger sucker is much shorter than a turkey baster, and the booger sucker sucks boogers out of a baby’s nose, whereas a turkey baster has no affiliation with boogers… unless you’re using it incorrectly. As a side note, our turkey baster has served other purposes than just squirting turkey juices on a cooking turkey. It is currently stained a shade of red, because Sarah used it to make Jell-O shots at one point for a work-outing that I attended a few years ago.

The origins of Tyler’s love of the booger sucker are unknown. When I’ve previously used it, I would make weird noises and laugh in the hopes that Tyler would tolerate its infiltration into his nostrils. It worked, to an extent. Recently, while, uhh…. expelling Tyler’s nose treasure onto a paper towel, it make a very sickening slurping noise. Hearing it makes Sarah’s stomach turn. I’m not a fan of the noise, but I can handle it. Tyler started laughing his little butt off at the sound. Since then, I’ve made quite the ordeal of blowing the snot onto a papertowel. The level of joy in his laughter is directly proportional to the amount of drama I put into the action. The best responses come when I act as if it takes every ounce of strength in my body to dislodge the yellow-green blockage from the neck of the booger sucker. If this results in the nasty slurping sound, Tyler is even more joyed and doubles his laughter. It’s now at the point where he starts laughing as soon as he sees the mucous evacuation device in my hands.

My current goal is to try to get the same reaction from Tyler while washing his face. And why not? I like taking on the impossible tasks. So far, not so good. Try as I might, the evil, nose-cleansing washrag of doom is just as evil as it ever was. Sound effects be damned, Tyler hates the rag monster.

Note: After typing this post out and before pressing the “Publish” button, Sarah informs me that she’s got a sore throat and a runny nose. So, it looks as if Tyler’s less-than-awesome attitude and his green goo situation may have indeed been due to being sick. Sorry, little one; we honestly thought you were teething.

Second note: See the medicine in the background of the booger sucker picture? Yeah, Tyler’s right ear was in really bad shape when he went to the doctor. His left ear looked great, but the doctor "winced” when she looked at his right ear. The words “red” and “bulging” were used. He’s got three weeks to get better. After that, she’s referring us to an ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) Specialist.

The Non-Dad Stuff

April 30th, 2009 | Posted by Joe in blogging - (0 Comments)


Think of it as a work in progress. I sometimes find myself wanting to say things that I struggle to justify posting here. I strive to keep this as much of a "Daddy Blog" as possible. It’s been great, and I love it, but it limits what I post. This is my solution. I created a second blog that I’m simply calling "The Non-Dad Stuff". It’s up to you if you decide to read it, I’m just letting you know it exists. I’ll be adding an RSS feed to this site that lists the most recent posts over there, so keep an eye out for it. Actually, I’m only making a post about it so that those of you who use a blog reader to get my updates know about it as well.

The Non-Dad Stuff

This post will self destruct in 7 days, or whenever I remember to open up the editor and delete it.

Interview 2009

March 1st, 2009 | Posted by Joe in blogging | joe - (5 Comments)


There’s a new phenomenon sweeping the blogging world. It’s called Interview 2009, and I guess it isn’t really sweeping the blogging world. Phenomenon may be a bit of an overstatement as well. But it’s happening nonetheless. I was asked to interview Lora (who has, like, a hundred and twelve blogs), and you can find that interview here. Cat, from My Name is Cat, was my interviewer. The thing I liked about this project is that it required me to read more blogs. I couldn’t necessarily interview Lora without first doing some research. Well, I guess I could, but my name isn’t Larry King. Then, I’ve got this random “Cat” person getting ready to shoot some questions my way. I had to read her blog to see who the heck this person was. As a result of all this, I’ve added a few more blogs to my reader. There’s actually more I want to look into, but there’s only so much time in the day.

Chris, over at A Free Man, was the organizer of this event. The first blog I ever read of his was a “Science Tuesday” post discussing vaccines and Autism (Note: I can’t locate the actual post. The link is to his follow-up post). I really wish I could remember how I found his blog, but that’s outside the grasp of my memory. I’ve been an avid reader since then, even if we don’t always have similar opinions. But, he’s much smarter than me, so you can make your own call there. If you are a fan of music at all, I would highly recommend you keep up on his blog.

Anyway, I get an email from Cat, telling me that she likes my blog, and that she’s going to read some of my back posts before asking me my questions. I can respect that. Well, then she drops off the Earth and I never hear from her again. I don’t want to say that my feelings were hurt, but it didn’t feel great, that’s for sure. I even went to her blog and posted a couple comments. You know, to remind her that I’m alive, and she has obligations. Nothing…

A couple days ago, an online friend needed my assistance with webpage design and code. We started up a chat with 2 other people on MSN so we could all get on the same page. MSN Messenger does this really annoying thing where it always pops up a little window to tell me that I’ve got unread mail in my inbox. I say it’s annoying because I don’t use hotmail. Ever. I use my Yahoo account for email. I only have the hotmail account because you have to have it to use MSN Messenger. Actually, it’s called Live Messenger now, but that’s semantics. I clicked on the window to make it go away, but accidentally clicked on the link to open my inbox…

… and there was an email from Cat with my interview questions. Whoops. Looks like I listed the wrong email address on one of my profiles. Now I have to get my voodoo black-magic book (bound with human skin, no less) off the shelf and see how I would go about removing curses from someone. Here are the questions and answers.

1) Cat: You are fairly new to the dad game, so what has been your biggest surprise about being a dad?
I almost said “not realizing how tired I would be, ALL THE TIME.” But then I thought about it for a minute. The whole “so tired I could probably sleep during a nuclear war” thing wasn’t really a surprise. That was one of the first things that any guy would warn me about. One guy told me that I will soon wonder what I used to do with all my free time before having a baby. He was right, by the way.

I’ve got two answers to give, because they both really caught me off guard. First, I didn’t realize how much of a strain it can put on a relationship. Everything’s fine, don’t worry folks. But our buttons seem to be much more sensitive now, and it’s much easier for us to push each others’.

The other surprise, and probably the bigger one, is in how much I’ve changed. Kids never impressed me. Actually, they sorta annoyed me, always asking questions, doing stuff they shouldn’t be doing, and crying their little heads off at Wal-Mart. Now… I empathize with parents, and understand that kids/babies are just being kids/babies. That being said, I still have little (read: no) patience for parents that don’t control their kids. Letting a kid run rampant at Target, knocking &@#$ off shelves because they’re too busy looking at clearanced Christmas decorations is just plain stupid, ignorant, and other insulting words.

2) Cat: Besides gestation, giving birth and nursing, what do you think is the major differences in being a mom and being a dad?
Tyler has been learning to pull himself up to a stand, with the help of household furniture. He’s still grasping the concept that standing on two legs is completely different than hands and knees. As such, he’s learned a few things about gravity and hard surfaces. When Tyler falls, and smacks his noggin on the floor or side table, Sarah rushes to him to make sure he’s fine (not all the time, but enough). I, on the other hand, look at him and tell him, “That didn’t hurt, you’re ok. Get up and try again.”

So, my answer is:
Mom :: Dad : Nurture :: Nature

(seriously, I’ve been racking my brain, and using google, to figure out if I wrote that correctly. I may have mixed up the single colon and double colon. If any of you could point me to a reference, I would be very appreciative. For those of you not in “the know”, it is read as “Mom is to Dad as Nurture is to Nature”.)

3) Cat: If you are able to attain your lifelong goal of becoming a superhero, what would your name be, what special power would you want and what would your costume look like?
I never thought of a name for myself. I always liked how, in the comic books (and some of their movie adaptations), the populous named the superhero. It could easily backfire, for sure, but I trust the people that I selflessly protect.

Superpower… well, there’s the stock answer of “flying” that everyone says. I loved what Neo was capable of in “The Matrix” and while I would never want to sound or look like him, I would love his powers. Truth be told, they weren’t really powers, since the Matrix was just a virtual world. Then again, at the end of the second movie, we saw Neo display a power in the real world. If you’ve got some time, we could analyze deeper, but I really would like to keep the reader base that I currently have.

As for a costume… much to the dismay of my female audience (and maybe some of my male audience), you will NOT see me in spandex or tights. Probably a pair of Old Navy jeans, a vintage fit t-shirt, and a fleece jacket on chilly days. At home, alone, I may try out a cape.

4) Cat: For the unconverted, why Firefox over Microsoft Explorer?
Oh, where do I begin? IE (Internet Explorer) is finally getting some things right, like tabbed browsing. If you haven’t used tabs before, you’re really missing out. It’s like always riding in the passenger seat, and then your dad gives you the keys and lets you take it for a spin. IE also has many vulnerabilities that don’t get patched quickly from MS (Microsoft). FF (Firefox) is much more standards compliant… blah blah blah, right? Well, I will tell you this, with absolute certainty… FF is faster than IE, and that’s what matters to most people nowadays. Plus, you can always uninstall it if you don’t like it. Oh… and the addons for FF are beyond awesome.

If you do try FF, get an addon called “Adblock Plus”. It makes the internet so much more pretty.

5) Cat: Are you going to get a tat commemorating the birth of your son?
Let’s recap first. When I turned 18, I got a tattoo of a clown… on my forearm. I won’t go into the details, but I will say that I was a fan of a local band named “Insane Clown Posse”. What? I said I was 18 for cryin’ out loud! I have Chinese writing behind both of my shoulders. They say “Crazy” and “Insane”. At least that’s what I’m told they say. I have a huge tribal piece between my shoulders and down the middle of my back. Then, I’ve got two dragons on my lower back.

I truly regret the one on my forearm, but don’t have a spare $2k to get it removed. I also wish I hadn’t gotten the other pieces done. Ahhh…. youth. Now I have to explain to my son why he shouldn’t do what I did. Why, oh why didn’t I listen to my parents when I was younger?

That ends the question and answer session. I hope you liked it. Take a few minutes and click on the links. I try to only read the best of the best blogs out there, so you won’t be disappointed if you check them out.