Monster Jam!!

Okay, wait… that picture was just the bait to get you to keep reading…. I mean… who can deny the adorableness shown here? The kids too, of course.

I found out recently that Monster Jam (the Triple Threat Series!!!) was going to be in town soon. By “in town”, I mean about 45 minutes away, but who’s keeping track? When I mentioned to Sarah that I wanted to take Tyler to it, she asked why I wasn’t going to bring Audrey. I had assumed that it wouldn’t be of interest to her, but boy was I wrong. Sarah wasn’t interested in all the loud noises and mayhem, so three tickets were promptly purchased…. then…. we…. had…. to… wait… forever! But finally, the day arrived. The kids woke up a little slowly on this day, as evidenced here, which has the potential to cast a very dark cloud on the entire day…. as any parent could attest to… but some delicious Raisin Bran took care of those concerns, because they were all smiles just shortly afterwards.

They could. not. wait. to see Grave Digger!

For an event like this, I can’t imagine sitting in the first available rows. Needing to sweep your view from left to right just sounds ugh, but maybe that’s the adult in me talking (get off my lawn you brats!!). So, we got the family-friendly priced (i.e. cheap, because I’m a working class person!) seats and had a fantastic view.

Audrey took an interesting approach with her ear muffs and pigtails, but darnit she was adorable!

Audrey was VERY excited to find out that two of the drivers were women. Above is “El Toro Loco”, driven by a woman with bright purple hair. Given Audrey’s affinity for pink and purple hair, there was an immediate connection.

El Toro Loco didn’t disappoint during the “wheelie” competition, either. Well, not until her truck just completely shut down and had to be towed off the arena. Video below, click the play button.

And Grave Digger? Poor, poor Grave Digger? The Monster Jam gods were not looking favorably upon the obvious crowd favorite. During the donut competition… well… this happened… click play again.

They got him stood back up but then this happened during the freestyle competition….

The only thing that could possibly redeem this travesty would be if something bad happened to Max-D, the only other truck to give Grave Digger a run for his money (and currently number two in the overall standings for this season). The gods smiled upon Tyler’s wish (even though Max-D still won the day’s events).

The drive home wasn’t bad at all either.

Goodbye Paci’s

I know, I know, I know… I’m not supposed to put an apostrophe on a word if I’m simply pluralizing it. It just seemed strange to have “Pacis” in the title, because that doesn’t really look like a word either. Plus, this is my blog, so I’ll do what I want… you know, like wait a year or so between posts.

Our little princess has turned terrible… oops… I mean two… she’s turned two. We had pretty decent success is taking pacifiers away from Tyler when he turned two, so we decided to do the same with Audrey. I don’t want you to think we’re terrible parents, so let me clarify by saying that we didn’t take them away ON her birthday. We waited until two days after before emotionally destroying her.

Sarah, sweet as she is, believed that it would be less traumatic for Audrey if they made an event out of “getting rid of the pacifiers”. She made a special glittery bag with bows on it off they went up the stairs. Audrey, who is every bit as sweet as Sarah, sat on the floor and kissed each of her pacifiers good-bye.

“Bye bye, paci,” she’d say. It was adorable.




Awww… she’s hugging it goodbye!!!

What really sucked though… what really sucked… bedtime. She wasn’t so sweet about getting rid of her paci’s when it was time for bed. That’s when it was no longer a game for little miss Audrey.

My Munchkin

Tyler was a monster when he was twenty months old.

Audrey is a peanut.

Audrey had her well-baby checkup recently. While she is on the growth chart… she is only barely on the growth chart. My little, tiny munchkin is merely in the 12th percentile for growth and weight. So, if 100 little girls lined up that were the same age as Audrey, and they were sorted according to size, Audrey would be the 12th in line, with 88 girls bigger than her.

She is absolutely one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever laid eyes on

She pooped in the tub a couple days ago. Her and Tyler were in the tub having a grand ol’ time together. Tyler looked over and said “There’s something gross in here” and reached for something that confused me.

If you were to see an alligator sitting on your couch, your brain would shut down for a moment so that it could process what it was seeing.

What I was seeing was a little turd floating up in the bathwater. My brain wasn’t ready for that, so it quit working for a few seconds. Luckily for Tyler, it came back to life about half a second before Tyler grabbed the stink-nugget with his fingers.

“Ohhhhhhhhhh….. Audrey.” I honestly don’t know what else I said, but it was in a tone that Sarah recognized as “not-very-good”.

I grabbed Tyler, and yanked him out of the tub before the poo-tainted water got to him. I wrapped him in a towel and told him something like “stay away.”

I grabbed Audrey – by the part of her body that wasn’t in the sewage – and lifted her straight up… and then I froze. I hadn’t thought my plan through and I had no idea what my next steps were… So I just stood there… unable to do anything.

Poop and vomit disgust me. Especially when they are somewhere they aren’t supposed to be. You know, like in a bathtub. When something like this happens – and very luckily for my general health and well-being, this has only happened 3 times in the last 5 years – I can’t cope or function. I become completely dependent on Sarah to give me some guidance on how to do simple things, like breathing or swallowing.

So, I turned to look at Sarah with nothing less than an expression of utter bewilderment and fear.

“Sit her on the toilet,” she said.

And that’s what I did.

Then, I looked in the tub full of water and toys, and poop. It wasn’t all solid and it wasn’t all diarrhea. But it was all disgusting. I locked my gaze on the drain. I just stared at it. Somehow, the plug had to be pulled. I looked at it longer and prayed for a miracle that never came. I flicked my eyes to my left hand then back to the drain… and I was scared.

But I did it. I stared into the water, waiting for the poo-sludge to move around just enough to give me a slight opening to the drain. I reached in, quickly and deliberately, and popped it.

And then I did what any good husband would do… I washed my hands and occupied the kids while Sarah put all the tainted toys in a plastic bag and scooped all the poop into the toilet.