The life and times of an irrational father. One man, multiple personalities.
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The Best Part

April 2nd, 2010 | Posted by Joe in adorable | Tyler - (5 Comments)

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* I can’t really post a picture that fully relates to this post.

I love my family. I love playing outside with them. I love chasing them around the house, stealing kisses or being the tickle-monster. I love sitting around and having lazy days with them.

Sometimes, though, the best part of my day is something that Tyler is completely unaware of. It’s a simple act that Sarah and I both perform, albeit separately, nearly every single night.

Sometimes, the best part of my day is checking on him before I go to bed, and seeing him sleeping soundly in his crib. I often find him lying in such a way that fully reminds me of the way I sleep. So, I cover him up, kiss his cheek, whisper that I love him, and just simply admire my beautiful son.

The Worm

March 20th, 2010 | Posted by Joe in adorable | Tyler - (8 Comments)

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When I wake up in the mornings, I sometimes wonder what mother Earth has in store for me over the course of the day. Will I save a family from a burning house? Will I pull a man from his wrecked vehicle mere moments before it explodes in a mushroom cloud of fire and destruction? With I thwart a bank robbery? Or will I simply go through my normal routine with work, come home to a delicious dinner, and spend the evening with my family?

It’s a tough call. I know that I’m destined for great things *cough*winning the lottery even though I never actually remember to play*cough*, but it’s anyone’s guess if today will be the day that greatness happens to me.

I’ve no doubts on what Tyler thinks in the mornings. Eat. Food. And when Tyler’s ready for breakfast, boy oh boy, you better hurry, because he’s not much for waiting. Almost every morning, he gives the same response when asked what he would like to eat. “Eggies and ancakes.” Eggs and pancakes, for you non-parents. Does he wonder what each new day will bring? Does he know that today, for example, I will be finishing the wheelbarrow that he so desperately wants to play with? I’ll blog about that later, by the way.

What it comes down to, though, is this. We may think we know what a particular day with bring to us. We may even be right in some of those predictions. The fact is, anything can happen on any single day. Things we could never have predicted. I only say all this because I wonder, I really wonder what that worm thought this morning. Did he wake up and think, “well, here comes another day of digging through dirt, looking for stuff to eat,” or maybe that he might find a mate later that afternoon?

How much did those thoughts change when I unearthed that worm while pulling weeds and moving mulch in our garden area? This particular worm was probably the the ninth or tenth worm I’d come across while working in the garden. Most times, I just picked them up and threw them in the garden. And, most times, I’d tell them to poop in there and make my soil rich. A few times, though, I’d say, “Tyler! Worm!”

Tyler would drop whatever he was doing at the time (playing tug-o-war with Delilah, pushing his toy lawnmower, playing in his sandbox) and come a-running. I’d point, he’d laugh, then I’d tell him to put it in the garden. Each time, he did. Until this last worm.

“Tyler! Worm!”

After doing this toddler-run over to me and laughing at the worm, he said, “Tyler have it.”

“You want to have the worm?”

“Yeah. Hold it,” he said, while bending over and delicately grabbing the worm with his clumsy fingers.

“Tyler, will you put the worm in the garden?”

“No. Ride inna wagon,” he replied, and gave one giant nod.

Before I could try to beg for the life of the worm, Tyler was off. It brought back a memory of when I was a toddler myself. Heck, maybe I was a boy, I don’t know when one is no longer considered a toddler. I had decided that I wanted some pet worms. With my mom in the house, and my dad working on a car in the driveway, I started digging for worms in the backyard. I don’t remember exactly how many I collected, but there were more than a few. I put them (delicately, if I may add) into the back of a toy truck I had with me.

When I checked on them a few hours later, I was devastated. At that tender young age, I learned the consequences of leaving worms to bake in the hot summer sun.

And here I was, watching my son as he claimed his first pet worm. This same son that likes to squeeze orange wedges until juice and orange guts start to ooze from his fingers. He’s running to his wagon with a worm pinched between his thumb and index finger. I thought to myself, just let it be a quick, painless death for the unlucky little bastard, and continued weeding. In the distance I heard Sarah say, “Oh, you’re bringing a worm with you on the wagon?” and Tyler replying with “Yeah. Ride inna wagon,” before climbing into the wagon with it.

Ten minutes passed. I was in my own world of thoughts as I pulled weeds and loaded the wheelbarrow with mulch. Suddenly, I heard Tyler’s voice behind me.

“Put worm a garden,” he said, completely as a matter-of-fact.

I turned to see him still ever-so-gently pinching the worm in his fingers. He walked to the edge of the garden, knelt over, and placed it right on top. He watched it for just another moment before running to go play again.

Did the worm have any premonitions for that day? Did he know he’d face a giant with a giant shiny tool in his hand? Did he have any idea that the giant would call over a smaller giant to laugh at it? Did he expect to be pulled from his home and taken for a ride in a place he never even knew existed?

Oh, worm, the places you’ll go. Will you succeed? Yes, you will indeed. (98 3/4% guaranteed.)

Fall foto fun

November 10th, 2009 | Posted by Joe in adorable | joe | photos | Sarah | Tyler - (7 Comments)

We had a sunny, slightly warm day recently, which caught all of us off guard. I actually forgot what warm sunlight felt like. Sarah and I decided it would be a great time to get the compost pile onto the garden and layer on a few inches of leaves to hopefully break down over the winter, giving us some great soil for vegetables next Spring. This also gave us the perfect opportunity to make a leaf pile for jumping…

Click on any of these pictures to view them much larger.

Tyler wanted to help rake the leaves.
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PULLLLLLL…. he actually got a pretty decent sized pile for a 16 month old.
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Delilah watched, and Tyler grabbed a couple handfuls.
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JUMP!
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This smile is worth all the gold in the world.
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Tyler played with his daddy.
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And he played with his mommy.
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There are tons of great photos that I haven’t posted here. For more leaf pile madness, click this link to view the rest of the pictures.

I’m not a dog, but thank you

October 12th, 2009 | Posted by Joe in adorable | family | sick Joe | Tyler - (8 Comments)

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Alternate Title: Reason number 2,377,467 that I love Tyler

When I get sick, the world around me comes to a screeching halt. You need help loading the dishwasher? Too bad, I’m sick. The world is in danger of a zombie apocalypse, and I am mankind’s only hope? It’s gonna have to wait until next week, I’m sick over here. You have 3 tickets to the Superbowl? … … Gimme a second, I’m thinking. Yeah, it’s that bad.

Last week, I told Sarah that my throat was feeling a little scratchy. She replied with a compassionate, “oh no,” but her eyes told a different story. Her eyes grew wary with the thought of having a 15 month old child and a 31 year old baby to tend to for the next few days. I started popping vitamin C pills like they were candy, because let’s be honest here, men only take vitamin C or any other pill after they get sick, not before. If it ain’t broke…

I came home from work completely drained. Apparently, it takes a lot of energy for a body to fight a cold off. Tyler hasn’t caught on to the fact that, when daddy is sick, it is no longer “all about Tyler” in our household anymore. Kids are selfish little brats sometimes. While I would have loved to just lay on the couch with a blanket and a soft pillow while Sarah made me some hot chocolate and a delicious supper, I instead had to crawl around on the floor, laugh and talk to Tyler through my feels-like-I-just-swallowed-a-bucket-of-sharp-glass throat, and chase him from room to room. Meanwhile, Sarah was in the kitchen, making hot chocolate for Tyler and me, and making a delicious supper for us.

Eventually, I was given a bit of a reprieve. Tyler ran into me and gave me a giant hug. I took the opportunity to fall backwards onto the ground while hugging him. This was one of those hugs. Parents know what I’m talking about. This hug could cure world hunger, and bring peace and love to the entire planet. This hug makes angels cry and birds sing. Love was borne from this type of hug.

Tyler rolled off, pulled my shirt up and dug his finger into my belly button so hard that it made my boy parts hurt. Then he showed me his belly button. After that, he studied my stomach for a couple seconds. I didn’t know what was going on, but I could tell he was processing something in that little head of his. Either that, or he was pooping, but he tends to stare me right in the eyes while he does that. A moment later, he pointed to a scar that was roughly the size of a dime in the area of my obliques, and said, “Owwwwwwww.”

I actually had to look at my stomach to make sure that I wasn’t bleeding or cut somewhere. It never occurred to me that he would be able to associate a scar with an ‘ouch.’ I’m actually still rather confused how he was able to figure that out.

Feeling a moment of immense pride in my son’s ability to make that connection, I replied, “Yes, that’s daddy’s ouch. When really bad ouchies heal, they make a scar. This is daddy’s scar.”

Tyler leaned forward, put his lips on it and said “Muah.” This is Tyler’s best imitation of a kiss. This was on of those moments. Parents know what I’m talking about. It was this moment that reminded me that I was put on Earth to be Tyler’s daddy. It was this moment that I didn’t feel sick anymore. This moment existed for only me, and if I shared it with the world, crime would end, the ailing would be healed, and water would have turned to wine. Love was borne from a moment like this.

“Thank you, Tyler. Now it’s all better.”

Later, it couldn’t have been more than 5 minutes, we were playing on the floor with cars and tractors and farm animals. There was no storyline or dialog to follow. I drove the tractor in a circle on the floor, picked up a couple animals, drove in a circle, dropped them off, drove in a circle, picked up a couple animals… well, you get the picture. I started to feel drained and very ill again. I laid my head on the floor and told Tyler I was sorry and that “daddy doesn’t feel well.” Tyler played with his toys for just a moment longer. I closed my eyes for a second and let out quiet moan. Just then, Tyler put his hand on my head and started petting me. Tyler doesn’t have a solid grasp on being gentle, and his petting was slightly haphazard, but it didn’t stop this from being one of the most amazing moments of my life as a father. This was one of those moments that could have… well, I think you know. I’m talking singing angels over here. I was wrong earlier. Love was borne from a moment like this!


Cut

September 29th, 2009 | Posted by Joe in adorable | milestones | photos | Tyler - (6 Comments)

It’s time to do something about shaggy over here:
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We got a coupon for a free kid’s pizza, so guess where we went next?
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Note: That cut on his forehead? Well, Tyler decided to pull a bookcase (it was more of a shelving unit) over onto himself. The edge caught him right down the middle of his forehead. He screamed!!! When I asked if he wanted a hug, he stopped crying and said, “Yaaaaaaaa” in the most pathetic tone possible.