The buzz buzz bee

The troublemakers

You will need to read this post, first, to understand the context/scene in which this story takes place.

Her house was a mess Sunday morning. Everyone woke up slowly after a night of drinking, and we were all presently piled in the living room, on the couches and floor, laying under blankets and staring blankly at the television playing Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. I felt pretty good because, although tired, I was the only of the adults that would have passed a breathalyzer the night before. Tyler and Weckie, his three year old cousin, began the movie by snuggling and paying rapt attention. At any given moment during the ninety minute film, at least one adult was paying a visit to Dreamy Town, USA.

However, the kids grew bored and began playing with toys. At some particular point, Darren went into the kitchen for either food or drink. At that same particular moment, a thought tickled at my conscious. The kids have been rather quiet lately. It’s been my experience that a quiet toddler is a dangerous toddler. I focused my attention to trying to listen for the kids. Faintly, I heard the sound of one material pounding against another. Darren’s voice rang out.

“No, Tyler! Don’t do THAT!”

I knew it, I thought. I just knew that a quiet toddler can not be trusted. I tossed the blanket from my legs. I glanced over at Sarah while pushing myself off the floor. Her body was spooning against Delilah. She was either unconscious, or dead. I made a mental to-do note to check on Sarah’s state of being after figuring out just what the heck was happening in the other room to freak the otherwise laid-back Darren out.

Walking into the room, Tyler and Weckie were both standing on the air mattress that Sarah and I slept on just a few hours earlier. Tyler had a plastic toy in his hand. Okay, now I know what he was using as a makeshift hammer, but I didn’t know what he was hammering against yet.

“Everything okay,” I asked, “what’s going on?”

Tyler, very excitedly, answered before Darren could fill me in. “I HIT A BEE!”


Darren explained. As he walked into the kitchen, he looked into the room the kids were in and saw Tyler pounding the plastic toy against the window. He then looked at the window to see a frigging YELLOW JACKET WASP buzzing around, presumably trying to get the hell away from the psychopathic child that was heroically trying to slay him and protect his dear cousin. Weckie had been jumping around and flapping her arms, either in fear or encouragement.

Tyler, on cloud nine, shrieked out, “Buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz,” and started laughing wildly. He recounted multiple, multiple, times his bravery by saying “I hit a bee! Bang bang bang. I hit a bee!”

Darren killed it.

Going to Cougartown

Picture of Tyler

I’ve written previously of Tyler’s affinity towards older, attractive, women. He has, once again, made his father proud.

Tyler’s Aunt Acey and Uncle Darren (Doo-Dohn, as pronounced by Tyler previous to last week. Sadly, he now says Darren) flew up for the weekend from South Carolina this past weekend. Acey turned 21 last week, so, in addition to visiting family and her “favorite nephew in the whole wide world,” libations were on order for this visit. Obviously, we were in need of a sitter for Tyler, as was Sarah’s sister for her daughter, Weckie (Tyler’s name for her). That sitter came in the form of Weckie’s very pretty Aunt KayKay. She has watched Tyler and Weckie previously, so we felt very comfortable having her do so again.

She arrived Saturday afternoon, shortly after we all (Sarah, her three sisters, their spouses, her parents, me, Tyler, and Weckie) returned from a delicious dinner at a pizza joint. In a very happy, bubbly, and excited voice, KayKay greeted Tyler. He promptly made like Toyota and ran away at a high speed. Once in the house, we warned her that Tyler woke up early that morning and had napped poorly. We predicted to her, correctly, that he would be up past his bedtime. It’s difficult to stick to a normal bedtime in a different house, with a different person. Especially while playing with his cousin Weckie. Basically, we told her that we expected Tyler to be a handful with a side of grumpy thrown in, you know, for good measure.

And lastly, we explained that Tyler has been going through a “shy phase” lately and that it’d take a while for him to warm up to her, if he did at all. It was around this time that Tyler peeked his head out from the room he was hiding in to look at KayKay. Her eyes flicked from mine to his and, flashing a smile at him, asked Tyler if he was being shy. In that moment, I watched my toddler son fall in love. Full on, head over heals, journey to the ends of the world for you, love. Ask me to jump and I’ll ask how high, ask me to poop and I’ll ask what color… Love. His eyes widened and his face broke into an ear-to-ear, heart melting smile. Then, just as quickly, he ducked back into the room and started giggling wildly.

“Or,” I said to KayKay, “you won’t have any issues with him at all.”

The next five minutes was spent with Tyler peeking out at KayKay, smiling like a mad scientist, then hiding once she noticed him (and laughing heartily while safely hidden from view). At one point, he walked up to me and asked, “Where KayKay go?”

I didn’t have to worry about him for the rest of the evening and night. As a matter of fact, Tyler seemed frustrated that I distracted his googly eyes when I tried to give him a hug before leaving.

We had a great time that night. It was strange for me, because I was one of the two designated drivers. It’s quite a different experience to view the bar scene through sober eyes. Upon closing the bar, Darren (the other DD) and I drove all the drunkees back to Sarah’s sister’s house in the two vehicles. Tyler, Weckie, and KayKay were sound asleep. We started a bonfire and continued the festivities, and I was able to imbibe as well at this point, as there was no more driving to do. I was very tired, though, so only had a total of two drinks the entire evening/night/morning. I wasn’t the first, and I wasn’t the last, but I went to bed at four in the morning, leaving the other two guys to ponder life and discuss all the world’s greatest questions. I’m sure they discovered the meaning of life, but they have no recollection of it after waking from their comas.

Sundays are my days to get up with Tyler. Under most circumstances, I have no problem with this. After only two hours and forty-five minutes of sleep, I do have a problem. But it was my cross to bear, not Tyler’s, so I got up and quietly played with him. After some time, he pointed to a pair of shoes and said, “Auntie KayKay shoes.”

“Yes, buddy. Those are KayKay’s shoes. She’s still upstairs sleeping.”

He continued to look at the shoes and whispered, lovingly, “yeahhhhhh.”

I found out later that morning that Tyler had actually woken up two hours earlier. KayKay pulled him out of the pack-and-play crib and brought him to bed with her.

What a stud.

And, a last minute addition to this post… Tuesday night had Sarah, myself, and Tyler sitting at the dinner table. We were eating leftovers for dinner and talking with each other. Seemingly out of nowhere, Tyler looked up at us and said, “Auntie KayKay… booful.” We told Tyler that, yes, KayKay is beautiful, while Sarah started dialing her phone to pass the message along.

Wordless Wednesday v. Cousins


P.S. (completely unrelated to the picture above) Happy Birthday, Beaner!! I know you don’t read my blog, but your mommy does, and maybe your daddy. We love you and can’t wait to see you again (soon, please tell me it’ll be very soon). One of the fondest memories I have was when you were much younger. Even younger than Tyler is now. I would throw my hands into the air and yell out, “BRILLIANT!!!” I think that may have been the first time you really bonded with me, and one of the few times I ever really connected with a toddler. I hope you have a great day today, little man!