“No, Tyler! Don’t play wi- Ooooohhhhh CRAAAAAP!“
That, my friends, is the sound of countless warnings going unheeded. I heard the frustration, defeat, and, possibly, smugness in Sarah’s voice as she uttered those final two words. Unsure of exactly what Tyler had done, I walked into the room, ready to stand by Sarah’s side as she explained to Tyler what he had done and why he shouldn’t have. I was ready to echo some of Sarah’s key words, like “bad,” or “dangerous,” or “why can’t you be more awesome, like your father?” Oh boy, he’s gonna get it, I thought, because Sarah started her reprimand the very moment I entered the room.
“Remember how I told you not to leave your glasses where Tyler can reach them?”
Yeah, Tyler. Remember how mommy told y… Wait. “What?”
“Oh yah, Tyler just broke your glasses.”
No, wait. I thought we were uniting to stand against the little tyrant that gets into everything he shouldn’t be getting into. And shouldn’t we do so anyway? He did just break my glasses, after all. My very expensive glasses. Six weeks before Christmas. That should at least warrant a caning, or ten minutes of waterboarding, or, at the minimum, a stern talking to! Why are they both looking at me like I’m the one that’s in trouble?
Before I could start kicking Mega-Bloks across the room and shouting accusations of mutiny, a door shut in my mind. The deadbolt snapped into place, miraculously locking Extremely-IrrationalDad away before the anger could materialize. I calmly looked at the broken frame, cursing myself for leaving them on the arm of the couch, because I knew better. I KNEW better. That spot had ceased being a safe-zone months ago. All the while, my irrational self was pounding on the imaginary, yet very real door, screaming. But Tyler did this! Not me! Him! He did this! He broke the glasses! HE should have known better! I knew it was entirely my fault. I knew Tyler didn’t do anything wrong. But I tend to be irrational at times.
Rather than rub my nose in my own piss, Sarah didn’t say a word, which is completely out of character. Of course she’s told me countless times to put my glasses somewhere that Tyler can’t reach. Of course all those warnings went unheeded. She later admitted that she really wanted to remind me of all this but decided to bite her tongue. It’s a good thing, too, because the door holding back my anger was splintering. I suspect that Sarah saw the fire dancing in my eyes when she wisely decided to not pour mass quantities of thermite onto the flames.
But wait, the news gets better. I went to the eyeglass place a couple days ago. Those very expensive frames of mine? Well, they are two months out of warranty. Replacement frames to fit my lenses are equally very expensive. Have I mentioned yet that this is all six weeks before Christmas? I have a pretty weak prescription and decided that I would just go without glasses through the holidays (you know, when all the really horrible drivers are out and about). As I walked out, a customer followed me and told me to take my glasses to a jeweler. He said that they can solder quite nicely and extremely cheaply.
Twenty four hours and twenty dollars later, my glasses are back and good as new. Unless you are staring at them from three inches away, you can’t tell they had ever been broken. Twenty dollars! I’m elated.
I can’t recall anything really expensive of mine that Ava has broken or ruined, but I can definitely relate to struggling with the “she should have known better” thoughts….
That was nice of someone to refer you to a jeweler, though! I would never have thought of that.
Ooh. I guess that you are remembering to put them up high now? We just had to buy an extra set of drawers for our Ikea bookshelf as Baby Boy has gottne tall enough to reach the third set of shelves…
Pippa´s last blog ..Its not only Christmas that is Big Business!
I think my wife would have jumped on the “I TOLD YOU SO..”
I’m usually the one that holds the tongue when it comes to situation like those.
Glad you got them fixed… Sorry Tyler and Sarah are getting ten dollars less in Christmas gifts this year..
Eric´s last blog ..Crossing the Bridge
I came across your page completely at random, but I’m glad I did. This was a great read. The writing style put me right there, and even though this is my first read, I already feel like I’ve been reading for years. Great job!
EDIT by Joe: Hmmm… I’m thinking that this MAY be a spam comment, but I’ll leave it up for now and see what comes of it.
Thanks for the jeweler tip! Passing that on to my ADULT brother who still breaks his glasses on a regular basis.
Tina´s last blog ..Wedding Woo Woos
The jeweler tip is excellent. As for dead-bolting that door, I am so glad you did. I can remember as a child wiping spaghetti sauce off of my hands onto my mom’s kitchen towels. I didn’t do it on purpose, I just misunderstood what she had told me to do. She burst into tears and her fit of anger and crying said “I can never have anything nice”. That phrase haunted me my whole life. I have had those feelings as a parent, myself, but I will never ever say that to my children if I can help it.
Not Afraid To Use It´s last blog ..Desperately Seeking A Remake
reminds me of the time when hubs left his glasses on the couch. I sat on them. Said glasses break, and he gets all grumpy with me because I didn’t look on the couch (that should have been glasses free) before I sat down.
Let’s just say…long story short….hubs was back pedaling and apologizing for implying that the size of my ass would crush and injury anything in its path.
“That soooo isn’t what I meant, Honey….I love your a$$!”
Oh right, glad you’re glasses are fixed.
domestic extraordinaire´s last blog ..Growing up Giggles Style
This made me think of the “nice” furniture we bought when we moved into our house…our $$ tables have been chewed up by our teething puppy-er-baby Joey..Adam is upset, but I knew once we had kids, funiture gets ruined. I really don’t care, but I guess we get better get a trunk for a coffee table when we get different ones..lol
Just for the record: I decided to not say anything to you IMMEDIATELY after I saw Tyler with your glasses in one hand and the piece of frame in the other. I knew the guilt and anger you had at yourself would be enough for the both of us.
But OH MY GOD did I want to!!!!
Sarah´s last blog ..12 or 13, who’s counting?
Serious props to your wife for biting her tongue on this one. I am sure it was incredibly hard. There is the high road, and then there is the really high super bonus points high road… nice view up there.
I’m glad you found a fast and cheap fix… wait, that sounds like a drug commercial. I meant your glasses.
JAR´s last blog ..High Chicago, Low Chicago – Day 3 Navy Pier and Boat Tour
hey there- found you though a comment on XBOXs blog. You are funny! I wish I would have known about the jeweler tip a while back. I broke a pair of rimmless glasses that were very expensive. It was a pain and expensive to get them replaced. I will have to pass this on.
You two have a sweet looking boy! He looks so happy.
mybumpyjourney´s last blog ..No update