The life and times of an irrational father. One man, multiple personalities.
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The fix

July 31st, 2008 | Posted by Joe in pee | poison ivy | Sarah | Tyler - (2 Comments)

I got to see my wife and my baby today!! I went to South Bend, Indiana today to help out another service rep for the day. South Bend is only about a half hour from St. Joe, Michigan – which is where Sarah is. So, I capitalized on the situation and went up there.

Now that I’ve gotten that out, let’s back up just a bit. I don’t call Sarah when she’s doing her “girls week”. I let her call me when she has time. She’s up there to relax and hang with the girls, so I stay out of the way. Sarah calls me once in the morning to say hi, and once in the evening for goodnights. Now, if I end up going to bed before her, I do give her a ring and leave a voicemail saying goodnight.

Everytime we talk, I tell her to give TyTy kisses for me and to tell him I love him. Sarah tells me that she and Tyler miss me. Yesterday, she was holding Tyler when I told her to give him kisses. She did and I heard her say they were from me. She told me that Tyler started smiling. Awwwww…..

Ok, so I get there today and scoop Tyler up from his Aunt Jenny. In the two hours that I was there, Tyler peed through his dipe and onto me, and he spit-up – PAST the burp cloth – onto me… TWO TIMES. I’d love to say that he was happy to see me, but it wasn’t exactly a warm reception.

I got to see a couple really cute pictures also. I can’t wait to get the camera home, so I can check them all out and get them uploaded to show them off.

And I’m sure I’m just being crazy here. I mean, afterall, they’ve only been gone 5 days. I swear that he has doubled in size. He’s a beast. I really wish I could take Tyler from Sarah for a week so she can see the hell I’m going through.

Oh, and I’ve got friggin poison ivy on my upper right arm now. What the heck man? I was wearing a long sleeve shirt. I’ve GOT to get the rest of these bushes down so I can be done with it.

What the….

July 30th, 2008 | Posted by Joe in delilah | poison ivy | random - (4 Comments)

Well… I don’t have any “Tyler” stories to tell, as he is with his mother this week. I also don’t want to neglect the blog. So, time for some ramblings. Delilah is my boxer-mix pup (she’s actually a dog, but to me she’ll always be a puppy). She is pictured here with a very strange face. Click the picture to view it larger. Also, click this one.. it’s also funny.

So, I’ve got a long back-yard. Between my back yard and my neighbor’s back yard are a line of bushes that are about 8 foot tall. Sarah and I would like to put up a privacy fence so that we can let the dogs run free back there. Currently, we have to tie them up so they can’t leave our yard. After getting a property survey done ($400), we now know that the bushes belong to us. Looks like I’ll be the one chopping them down.

I didn’t realize how much work this would be. I borrowed some branch cutters from my father-in-law. When I started cutting, I realized that this was really going to take some time to complete. I got through about 5 foot the first day, but I really only spent about 30 minutes out there.

I wasn’t very careful when I did this, and I didn’t realize that the bushes were INFESTED with poison ivy. In hindsight, a tanktop and shorts were not a great idea. My left arm is covered in rash and a few spots on my face are as well. I can’t even begin to explain how much this itches, so I won’t even try.

But it REALLY friggin itches.

Yesterday, I went out for another go-around with the bushes. This time, I wore pants, shoes, long sleeve shirt, a hat, and gloves. After about 2 hours, I started stumbling and couldn’t keep my balance. That was when it occurred to me that I should probably get out of the sun right away! My forehead felt like it was on fire when I put my hand on it. I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to take a cold shower, or if that would shock the system, so I just stood in the kitchen for about a half hour before hopping under the cool water.

Today, it wasn’t as hot, so I didn’t get those strange feelings, and I was able to knock out another 15 foot of bushes. I’m way over half done now and am pretty pleased with the progress. I haven’t noticed any new rashes yet either *fingers crossed*.

I’ve got 2 problems now….

  1. I need to get rid of the chopped bushes. I can’t burn them because there’s a TON of poison ivy in there.
  2. I still need to figure out how to get the roots out. When I cut the bushes, I left about 6 inches at the bottom, because that was about as low as I could get. I tried prying them up with a shovel, and promptly snapped the handle. yay

I’m hoping to have all the bushes down by Friday, but the roots will probably still be there.

And lastly… I consider myself to be a… uhh…. well, a nerd. Or a geek, I use the two interchangeably. I found this site online, cubeecraft, that has papercraft layouts. I made a few of them, frankly, because I could. I printed them on photo paper to get the best look…. so… here you go… Indiana Jones, a Storm Trooper, and the Companion Cube. Now I just need to figure out where to put them.

Missing things…

July 28th, 2008 | Posted by Joe in Uncategorized - (2 Comments)

I am so unbelievably sad today.

On Saturday, Sarah went to a Dave Matthews Band concert with a friend of hers. I was left home to babysit Tyler, ON MY OWN. It wasn’t a great deal or anything. I gave him bottles when he needed them. I let him nap when he needed to. I played with him when he was awake. Oh, and I changed his dipes about every 20 minutes, it seemed. All in all, we had fun.

On Sunday, Sarah packed up a bunch of stuff. She is going to be spending the entire week with her Aunt and her 3 sisters. It’s a yearly “girls” week. They read, play cards, play in the pool, and hang out. This year marks the first year that a male has breached the sanctity of the women. Tyler went with Sarah.

Sarah goes every year. And I miss her for the entire week. I knew that I would miss her and Tyler this week, but I had no idea how much I would miss them.

She left yesterday afternoon. I didn’t do much. I watched about 10 episodes of the first season of Heroes. I never watched it when it was on TV. I have had the first season on my computer for awhile, and I had already watched the first 18 of 25 episodes. But that was a long time back, so I started over. I went to bed around 11p or midnight, I’m not sure. Heck, it could have been even later than that.

It was the best sleep I’ve gotten in 4 weeks. I sleep through the night when Sarah and Tyler are home, but I can’t call it a restful sleep. I wake up tired, even though I slept for 6 or 7 hours. I can’t complain, because I know Sarah’s got it worse. The point is, even though I sleep, I’m not getting restful sleep.

Last night was different. It wasn’t the quiet that let me sleep as well as I did. It was the knowledge that I didn’t need to be “on alert” for anything. I slept HARD. I felt so refreshed this morning. Ahhh…. it was nice.

I finished season 1 of Heroes and will probably start season 2 tomorrow or Wednesday. Sarah was having a good time and Tyler was being good. I was happy for them…

At 10:24p, I called Sarah. I wanted to tell her that I would be going to bed soon, and to kiss Tyler for me, and to have fun playing cards tonight. She said she would, of course. Then I asked how her day was. She said that Tyler was a prince and loved the attention he was getting.

Then she said that he loved the pool and that she took lots of pictures. I almost cried. My son, for the first time in his life, was in a pool… and I missed it. It’s not fair for me to have selfish thoughts about that, but I did. In that moment, I missed those 2 more than I ever thought possible. She’s only been there for just over 24 hours and has 5 or 6 days more before she comes home. How the heck am I going to manage?

I already don’t see him as much as I want to, because I’m back at work. Now, he’s gone for a week, and I am going to miss so many things. It just makes me sad. Even as I read back over this post, I can’t find any areas to throw any funny comments in to make it even just a little funny.

Well, here… this is a little funny. Actually, it’s quite funny. Sarah swears to me that this is not a posed photo, and that Tyler actually appears to be throwing a gang sign, completely on his own.

But, all is not funny here. There’s actually something very sad about this photo. Notice his University of Michigan cap? I am so looking forward to dressing him up in his UofM gear when football season starts… but his head is just too friggin big…. this photo is the first, and probably the last, time that he gets to wear the cap.

I’m going to bed… I’m to sad to read the internet tonight.

na na boo. goo goo gah gah

July 22nd, 2008 | Posted by Joe in baby | fart | Tyler - (2 Comments)

Today, Tyler was looking directly into my eyes. He really seemed to recognize me. He was completely wide-eyed, and fully alert – unlike the photo here. It’s a very special thing to experience. I won’t try to explain it here, because I know I won’t be able to do it any justice. Suffice it to say, it is very, very awesome.

Tyler is also starting to make sounds. This is aside from his typical screaming when he wants something.

There are a few “schools of thought” with regards of how one should speak to babies. Some people prefer to keep things as simple as possible. “Mommy love Tyler”, “Tyler hungry? Tyler want nursey?”.

Then there are those that say to speak to your child as if you would speak to anyone “Mommy loves you, Tyler”, “Tyler, are you hungry? Do you want to eat?”.

Sarah and I belong to the latter. We speak to Tyler in full, grammatically correct sentences. I don’t want him to learn poor grammar, then have to relearn the correct way to speak. Just like learning a foreign language. The BEST way to do so is to immerse yourself in it. That’s what we’re doing. We’re immersing Tyler in it.

Did I digress? Yeah, I think I did…. so… back on track, Tyler is making sounds. It’s friggin adorable! We’ve heard him scream lots of times, but now we actually get to hear a voice. A voice the belongs to my son!

He says “ooooo” and “ung-a”. Of course, Sarah and I started speculating on what he’s trying to say to us.

I told her that it couldn’t be more obvious. They boy weighed in at 11 pounds 5 ounces at his 2 week appointment. He’s likely to be over 12 pounds. Heck, I guarantee it. He couldn’t possibly be saying anything other than “hungry”.

Ung-a… hungry. It’s not much of a stretch to make that connection.

Of course, we both know that it’s just nonsense right now, but there’s no denying the fact that his daddy is a borderline genious. Maybe, maybe little Tyler will be the next Einstein.

Seconds after I have this thought, Tyler cracks a smile… then farts. Yup, he is his father’s son.

baba black sheep

July 21st, 2008 | Posted by Joe in Uncategorized - (3 Comments)

Sarah is going to a Dave Matthews Band concert in Indianapolis on Saturday. It’s not really the environment to bring a (wow, he’s going to be 4 weeks already) baby to. Since I am not going to the concert – wasn’t invited, apparently, it’s a girls only thing – I get to stay at home with my son. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m certainly not complaining. I can’t exactly say that I’m looking forward to it. There’s nothing special about it. I can hold him and play with him any time I want to, so it’s just going to be more of the same, ya know?

The big difference is that Sarah’s boobs will not be here to administer feedings to our little man. Sarah’s been able to pump since about week 2 (which is uncommon, apparently), and has been doing so. A few days ago, she says to me that we need to do a test run with the bottle before she leaves me for an entire day with ONLY bottles to deal with. I asked her “have you seen your son eat?” I mean, c’mon here. The boy likes his milk, and I am positive that he’ll take it from whatever source is offered to him.

Sarah still had her doubts. Well, the time came -two days ago, I believe – that Tyler was hungry wasting-away-starving and Sarah had just pumped. The tanks were empty, man. So, Sarah got a baba prepared. I was holding Tyler and asking him if he was interested in a bottle. He said “bring me whatever you’ve got”. Sarah gave me the bottle then ran into the other room for about 5 seconds. When she came back Tyler was chugging away on the artificial boob.

He did look slightly confused though. I’m sure he never expected to be looking into my eyes while feeding. At the very onset, he wanted nothing to do with the rubber nipple. He’s not a fan of the pacifier, so this didn’t surprise me. I squeezed the bottle a bit and made two drops of milk fall from it and into his mouth. The word “lunge” comes to mind when I try to think of how to express his desire for more. He couldn’t get his mouth on the nipple fast enough.

I couldn’t help but think of the typical drug fiend, who will do anything for their “fix”. Tyler, in an instant, was able to push from his mind the bonding experience of natural breastfeeding, and thought only of his “fix”.

In that moment, nothing existed except his nursies and the rubber nipple from which it came. Any doubts that Sarah had dissolved away.